First time out
I didn't know I was anxious until the doctor told me, and it made perfect sense. All the years of holding my breath, pounding heartbeats, and fuzzy thinking came under the heading of ANXIETY. She gave me some medication. It helped for a while, and then it didn't.
What I've learned is that is normal - psychiatrists prescribe meds and they work for a while and then they stop. I've fired my psychiatrist and have gone on a quest to learn how to live with my anxiety.
I have a sensitive nervous system. It's not good or bad, it just is, and I'm responsible for taking care of myself, with a sensitive nervous system. I'll be using this space to share tools and techniques that have helped me live with anxiety.
One of the best things I've ever done is take a class on Managing Anxiety. I learned that my thoughts contribute to how I feel and that they aren't neccesarily accurate. The bumper sticker "Don't believe everything you think" says it best. I've trained my mind and body to think inaccurate thoughts about myself, about other people. Usually it goes something like: "they don't like me, she is a snob, she thinks I'm an idiot". Now how can that be accurate? For one thing, I seem to think I'm a thought reader. For another, who knows what goes on in someone else's mind. And for another, so what if someone doesn't like me.
I've learned to be alert for this type of thinking and the clue is usually in my body. If I find myself unable to concentrate, with a heavy weight on my chest, or tightness in my throat, that's information I need to pay attention to. I don't have to push it away. I do have to acknowledge it, feel it, and ask what I'm telling myself right then and there.
I do a thought record. You take a piece of paper and pencil and divide it into four sections. In the top left-hand corner, write down the situation you're in, e.g. I get an email at work that asks me to do something I've never done before. In the top right-hand corner write down body responses: rapid, irregular heart beat, fuzzy thinking, can't concentrate. In the bottom left-hand corner write the things you're telling yourself:
1) I can't do this
2) I'm going to look like an idiot
3) people will think I'm stupid
4) I'll never get over this
5) I'm doomed
Then, in the bottom right-hand corner, write neutral statements of fact to challenge each of the mistaken beliefs on the left:
1) I can learn how to do this, I've learned difficult things before.
2) what does an idiot look like? I look calm and competent to people, even when I don't feel that way inside
3) people know that I'm smart, in fact I know that I'm smart
4) I will get over this. I'm using this tool (thought record) to help me get through it.
5) There is absolutely no evidence for this. I will learn how to do this, and most likely will do it well
This works for me. I've learned that I have to do it frequently, I have to write it down. It's usually about the same issue, and when I look back over a series of them, I can laugh and see how my mind is. It's been thinking these false beliefs for years, so I probably won't live long enough to totally get rid of them. If I use this tool though, I can counter them, and that really helps.
